One Happy Woman

10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!

2008-12-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on television.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting himself in trouble.

AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...

1. When God had finished creating Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, " I know I can do better than THIS!"

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Have a Merry Christmas, Everyone!!!

The Truth Behind the 12 Hottest Sex Myths

2008-12-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

1. Men Reach Their Sexual Peak at 18, and Women Reach Theirs at 28

TRUE: With regard to their supply of sexual hormones, at least. Testosterone peaks at age 18 in men; women's estrogen hits its high point in their mid-20s. "But peak hormones don't mean peak sexual performance," says Marc Goldstein, M.D., a professor of reproductive medicine and urology at Cornell University's Weill Medical College. So feel free to try for a personal best—at any age.

2. Semen is Low-Carb

FALSE: "Semen is mostly fruit sugar [fructose] and enzymes—not low-carb," says Dr. Goldstein. Which finally explains why there's no Oral Sex Diet.

3. Masturbation Yields the Strongest Orgasm

TRUE: But it's not a hard-and-fast rule, as it were. "It depends on the individual," says Jon L. Pryor, M.D., a professor of urologic surgery at the University of Minnesota. "For some it does, but for others, there's nothing that beats good ol' intercourse."

4. The Average Erection Measures 8 Inches
FALSE: Relax, Shorty. It's closer to 6.

5. No Penis is Too Large or Too Small for Any Vagina

TRUE: But perception still wins the game in the end. "I was once at a dinner meeting with seven other sex doctors—six men and one woman," says Dr. Pryor. "The men all agreed that size doesn't matter. The woman looked at us and said, 'Think what you want. Size matters.' We all left dejected."

6. Oysters Make You Horny

FALSE: You make you horny. "There is no scientific evidence that oysters increase libido," says Dr. Pryor. "But there may be a placebo effect, so if it works, great!"

7. Green M&Ms Make You Horny
FALSE: Unless they do. Then it's true. Isn't the mind wonderful?

8. Men Think About Sex Every 7 Seconds

FALSE: That number is tossed around a lot, but the truth is that only 23 percent of men claim to fantasize frequently. But maybe the rest are just too distracted to check the clock.

9. Cutting Out Broccoli Will Make Your Semen Taste Better

TRUE: Semen is naturally bitter, and eating broccoli and drinking coffee can make it worse. A ray of hope for the Oral Sex Diet!

10. Having Sex Before an Important Event—the Big Game, the Critical Presentation—Can Ruin Your Performance in the Event

FALSE: Swiss researchers performed stress tests on people 2 and 10 hours after the subjects had had sex, and found that by 10 hours, the participants were fully recovered. There was only a small dip in performance 2 hours after sex.

11. Having Sex in Water (Swimming Pool, Hot Tub, Shower) Will Kill Sperm

TRUE: Some of your swimmers may die, but it isn't an effective method of birth control, according to Dr. Pryor. Though a hot tub can overheat your testicles and kill sperm, there should be plenty left for the egg hunt.

12. You Can Become Addicted to Web Porn

TRUE: But the risk is low. Only 1 percent of all people who check out Internet porn will become addicted. If you're sporting a ring, be careful: 38 percent of addicts are married.

Extra Marital Affairs: Yay, Five of Them?

2008-12-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and didn't wake up 'til at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 5th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

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Are you laughing now? It made you feel good, huh? Me too! Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Gotcha! 23 Guilty Pleasures Men Will Never Cop To

2008-12-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

This is for all the world to see, got this post from a friend of mine, bless his heart! For his privacy and protection from retaliation, he chose to remain anonymous. Anyway, read on and boy! will you be surprised.

1. Fantasizing about her friends, her cousin, her mom, and all of the other women whose hotness is multiplied exponentially by their unavailability.

2. Sitting in the boss's chair when he's gone.

3. Angry Phil Collins: "In the Air Tonight." "I Don't Care Anymore." "Mama." And when you're alone, air drums.

4. Those cheerleading competitions on ESPN2. Go ahead and watch. They want you to. It's . . . Oh! Kay!

5. Binoculars. Neighbors. You do the math.

6. Deep, emotional conversations with your closest buddy. The best part: Once you have one, neither of you will ever mention it again.

7. The "Confessions" page of Cosmopolitan magazine. Your girlfriend's copy, of course.

8. Karaoke. You do it because it makes the girls giggle. But deep down, you know you're better than Mick.

9. Every friggin' word that comes out of Jessica Simpson's pouty li'l mouth.

10. Cotton sheets with a thread count higher than Ted Williams' career batting average. A little knowledge of fabric is nothing to be ashamed of at bedtime.

11. You probably call it something like "scuttlebutt" or "intel." Why not call it what it is: gossip.

12. Warm Krispy Kremes. I mean, good God.

13. Pottery Barn. Restoration Hardware. Pier 1 Imports. You "tolerate" browsing there to mollify your lady—and to trade off a trip to the sports bar afterward—but for weeks you've been eyeing that Persian/Taiwanese rug and the monogrammed barbecue-utensil set. And wouldn't that Amish-made bookcase just kill in your den?

14. Flexing your fingers on the steering wheel. Waiting. Revving. Then blowing the poor sap next to you off the line.

15. Slippers!

16. A cheeky chardonnay.

17. Picking scabs, popping zits, and giving that mosquito bite one good scratch before vowing never to touch it again.

18. Movies like Old School that make you think, If only . . .

19. Saturday-morning reruns. Saved by the Bell (TBS) leading into a couple of 90210s (FX) fills your Tiffani Thiessen quota and is good hangover therapy.

20. Even better hangover therapy: the Kevin Costner triptych of Waterworld, Wyatt Earp, and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

21. Googling yourself.

22. Kelly Ripa. It ain't her talk-show chops. Maybe it's how she and Faith Ford smeared chocolate over each other. Maybe it's her domineering hotness. But it's definitely something.

23. Your filthiest, most psychotic erotic fantasy—the one that's either too dark, too dirty, or too illegal to mention. Don't worry. Every guy has one.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Dieting

2008-12-07T06:14:00.000-08:00

One of every dieter's woes. Check this out, this is a good read for all of us "I'm having a hard time I just wanna quit" diet fanatics.

You’re completely committed to losing weight. You’re even counting calories and eliminating fast food. But no matter how hard you try, you won’t reach your goals if you fall victim to certain dieting blunders. Read on to uncover the seven deadly sins of dieting—and to ensure weight-loss success.

1. Choosing a fad diet. Although some of these plans may seem to work initially, any pounds you shed on them tend to come back quickly and in greater numbers. What’s more, fad diets can pose serious health risks. The same goes for most diet pills. According to experts, you should plan to lose a maximum of two pounds a week; any plan or product professing to help you lose more than that should be treated with a healthy dose of skepticism.

2. Leaving exercise out. Many people make the mistake of thinking that cutting calories is all it takes to shed pounds. Although watching what you eat is surely part of the puzzle, it doesn’t tell the whole story. The National Weight Control Registry (NWCR) found that 94 percent of people who successfully lost weight increased their frequency of exercise. So be sure to make physical activity a part of your dieting regimen.

3. Going it alone. Losing weight is hard, but without a support system, it’s even harder. With nobody to tell you put that doughnut down or remind you about your 6 A.M. aerobics class, your chances for success are going to be lower. If you recruit a buddy, it will make you feel more accountable for your successes and setbacks—and help you to lose more weight, according to a Brown Medical School Study.

4. Being a yo-yo dieter. The constant ups and downs may not only be hurting your waistline; they could also be harming your health. In addition to the discouragement that may accompany rapid weight cycling, yo-yo dieting has been linked to long-lasting negative impacts on metabolism, according to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). As if that’s not enough, yo-yo dieters may experience physical problems, such as a decrease in muscular strength and endurance, thinning hair, loss of coordination, fainting, weakness, and slowed heart rates.

5. Piling on the extras. You may think you’re doing your body good by eating that salad, but if you’re just loading it up with creamy dressing and full-fat cheese, there’s nothing diet-friendly about it. Instead, substitute high-calorie condiments for lower-calorie alternatives. If you usually opt for ranch or blue cheese dressing, switch to vinaigrette (if you’re dining out, always ask for it on the side). And if you generally use mayonnaise, swap it for mustard—you’ll save nearly 40 calories per tablespoon.

6. Depriving yourself. This behavior can only last for so long. At some point, you’re going to break, say Harvard researchers, who found that diets that are too restrictive will most likely lead to bouts of overeating or binge eating. Try eating smaller meals and snacks throughout the day, which will help to jump-start your metabolism and stop you from feeling famished by day’s end.

7. Giving up too soon. It takes a great deal of dedication to shed pounds, and results don’t just happen overnight. The key, according to experts, is resisting the urge to throw in the towel, no matter how many setbacks you may face. Remember, the road to weight loss is a journey with many twists and turns—but when you reach your goals, there are many rewards to be had.

10 Super Diet Tips To Keep You Going

2008-12-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

Do you want to make your road toward successful dieting and weight loss less rocky? Tired of the constant detours you seemingly face?

Then try these 10 diet tips to smooth out the bumps in the road:

• Eat a “rainbow” of color. Once in the grocery store, make a bee line to the produce section and load up the cart with fruits and vegetables so you can get the most fiber, vitamins, minerals and disease-fighting antioxidants for the lowest amount of calories.
Fruits and veggies also will keep hunger at bay longer and are great replacements for sugar-laden snacks that will derail your diet with the power of an onrushing locomotive.

• Don't miss regular meals. You may think that skipping either breakfast or lunch will help you cut calories, but chances are good you’ll overeat at dinner or will gorge on unhealthy snacks because you just can’t stand the hunger pangs any longer. Eating throughout the day—keep it sensible—will stabilize your body’s metabolism so you burn calories.

Always eat breakfast and sneak in healthy snacks between meals to thwart the munchies.
• Give your tummy time to tell your brain. Your brain will need at least 15 minutes to get word from your tummy that you’ve had enough to eat. In that time before the “Stop” goes into full force, you may eat more than your body really needs, thus making you feel overstuffed. After you’ve eaten, put your fork down and back away from the table. Give your body a chance to catch up.
• Eat fresh. Stay away from preservative-laden foods that often are missing the nutrients and vitamins that flood over from fresh foods. These pre-packaged foods and fast foods are brimming with calories, fat and sodium.
• Get moving. You weren’t meant to sit on the couch or behind a desk all day. Strengthen your muscles and heart—and burn calories—by getting daily exercise. You’ll find that you’ll sleep better and the blues will vanish, regardless of whether you’re a gym rat or strolling briskly through the neighborhood.
• Treat yourself. Every now and then, go ahead, indulge in your favorite food. Restricting certain foods, especially the ones you’ve loved, from your diet can make you overindulge down the road. If you are hankering for cheesecake, for example, then go ahead and dive in—just from time to time, and in moderation. Better still, just take a few bites, not the whole slice.
• Know what the food labels say. Whatever you buy at the grocery, turn the package over and read the Nutrition Facts. See what ingredients the product contains, how many grams of saturated and trans fats, how much sodium, how many calories, and what is a single serving.

• Become a fan of whole grains. Unrefined whole grains, as opposed to, say, white bread, maintain their nutrients and fiber. Whole grians, such as breads and pastas, also help your body maintain its blood sugar levels, so you experience less spiking then crashing—which only means hungry—throughout the day.
• Learn the "good" fats. Not all fat is bad. Look for foods that are built around monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fat, not saturated fat or trans fat. The latter two are more apt to increase your waistline and bump up the scales. For instance, try olive oil, rather than butter or margarine, in your cooking.

• Don’t be bamboozled by “liquid calories.” That 12-ounce can of regular cola can contain 10 teaspoons of sugar—and your waistline won’t think that’s sweet. These kinds of “empty calories” won’t fill you up. For instance, reputed “health drinks” contain several teaspoons of sugar, which is the ingredient that gives you the “boost” you seek.

What is LOVE?

2008-12-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

Love is simple..... This movie says it all. www.thelovemovie.com/

Discouragement - The Devil's Most 'used' Instrument

2008-11-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life, we tend to forget what we have and get discouraged by some puny incident. Yesterday I had one of those days. I let my guard down and let my emotions get the better of me. What now seems trivial was not the case before. A biting remark directed at me with much disdain hit its target! For the rest of the day I wallowed in self pity and cried non stop until my eyes were all swollen I could barely open them, let alone see with them.

In an instant, this one happy woman who usually walks with a happy lilt was transformed into a stooped, lonely, self deprecating hag; the direct antithesis of whom I want to be! Change can indeed happen in an instant BUT ONLY if we let it.

The rays of the morning sun greeted me from the windows of my bedroom this morning and snapped me back to reality. What am I doing? This is not the first time someone spoke ill of me; in fact, I have been in this situation more than once in my life! I guess I could say I am no stranger to the pit falls of quarrels and petty jealousies in life. A favorite story came to mind, one that my grandmother loved to tell me years ago. I can still hear her gentle voice as she narrated this tale which never ceases to penetrate the very essence of my being.

"It was advertised that the devil was going to put his tools up for sale. On the date of the sale, the tools were placed for public inspection; each tool being marked with its sale price.They were a treacherous lot of implements.

Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Deceit, Lying, Pride, and so on. Laid apart from the rest was a harmless looking tool that appeared to have been heavily used, and was priced very high.

"What is the name of this tool?" asked one of the purchasers, pointing to it.

"That is Discouragement," replied the devil.

"Why have you priced it so high?"

"Because it is more useful to me than all the others. I can pry open and get inside people's hearts with that when I cannot get near them with my other tools. Once I get inside, I can make them do what I choose. It is badly worn because I use it on almost everyone, since very few people know that it belongs to me."

Brrr. Incredibly scary isn't it? So to any one who needs one, a piece of advice from one happy woman who almost got derailed by discouragement, the devil's most used instrument. Don't let trivial matters get you down. Let's face it, discouragement happens, bumps in the road happen, circumstances change and life can throw you a curve ball from time to time. But so what? You control the steering wheel as you drive down life's highway and no force is too big to keep you from cruising the road to happiness. Just keep your eyes on the road and rock on!

Ice Cream is Good Food For the Soul

2008-11-28T02:55:00.001-08:00

Today we had to go out of town for a business meeting. I fell asleep in the car and did not notice that our driver was going ninety when suddenly one of the tires blew up. Imagine what happened, I thought I was a goner! It was a good thing a tow truck was right behind us who was gracious enough to stop and help us out. The tow truck driver put those red cones on the road as our driver changed the tire presumably to keep passing motorists from doing further damage. Deep inside though, I knew those cones were to keep my friend from getting sideswiped by a passing car as he had a difficult time getting that one nosy woman to stay on the side of the road.

The incident scared the beejeebers out of me. This one happy woman became one scared to death woman. Who was that who said life is a highway? I almost lost my life in one!

Anyway when I got home I was a total wreck. I looked nervous and disheveled and was one grumpy woman. I decided to curl on the sofa and do some reading to calm my nerves. I came across the story below that brought the smile back on my face. One Happy Woman is back in business! Read on!

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

Don't you just love this story? Share this with your friends and keep it moving. Sometimes in life we all need some ice cream. Here is one from me to you, hope you have a nice weekend!

Secrets Every Woman Keeps from Her Man

2008-11-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

The woman you sleep with gazes into your eyes and tells you she loves you. And you believe her. You can tell by the way she looks at you, the way she holds you, the way she seems to always know what you want before you do. There are a couple of things in life you just know, and love and this naked woman are two of them.

But there are a lot of things you don’t know.

A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she’ll never give up. Pieces woven into the very fiber of her being. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh. These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman’s deepest secrets that don’t—and never will—include you.

You’re about to sample this hidden knowledge. But like any man who seeks, you’d better be prepared for what you’re about to find.

1. My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals—from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings—and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I’ve ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It’s not going to change.)

Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even—in fact, especially—if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.

2. Just looking at your hands can turn me on.

3. When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you.

4. I’ll never tell you exactly how many men I’ve slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn’t. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she’s slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.

5. I fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.

6. I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.

Men’s Health List

Life is Beautiful

2008-11-26T10:56:00.000-08:00

In the morning I feel the breeze
The sun washes over me
The sound of water crashing the sea
Is it only me that feels alive

It’s all ahead of me
because I feel so right
Just open your eyes and say that
Life is beautiful…

Life can take you anywhere
You don’t know where it leads you
You should know you’re not alone
Just open your eyes and say that
Life is beautiful…”